Thought Train

Event

2011-03-31T06:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone still reads this but if anyone in the truro, n.s. area is interested in a lan which the proceeds are going towards helping our local youth center fund their projects in helping our local youth then just join this facebook event.
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=198810073484095

A messy Divorce

2010-01-31T11:36:00.000-08:00

The air in the room stood still, nothing moved, even the plants held their breath. A low rumble from downstairs invaded the electrified silence as the air exchange came to life. The three occupants of the small, poorly furnished living room just stood there, tension running through every muscle of each. To an outsider this scene might look like a tableau; people frozen in postures to tell a story or relay a message; and even if they did think this the messages being conveyed would be the same. Hatred, confusion, fear and pain.

Jason could take it no longer. The bickering and petty squabbles, ever since 'she' came along. Sure it hadn't been so bad at first, kisses and cuddling were often and loving, but things started to become... too much. It was little things that grew until they were hideous monsters looming over their heads, choking their throats with tears. Now the only respite Jason could get from his crazy father, stuck up step-mom and whining baby sister was in his sweet heart, his shining star in the eternal darkness from which he could find no warmth without her, his loving girlfriend April. He'd get no help from her now.

This was his problem, a problem that wasn't his to deal with but required him to be there because of his relation to the problem. That's all it ever was, a problem, not a serious issue, not a trifle, just a problem.

"I can't stand it anymore!!" Jason screamed, "You can't just stay quiet and hope it goes away. Face up to what you've done, what you're doing, and not just to yourselves but to us."

The glass was shattered, now all the emotions could spill out unhindered by the silence.

"Now that is no way to talk to your mother, and I will not stand a piss nosed brat talking to me like that. Especially not in that tone of voice." Jason's father George started to fume. "We did the best we could with a failing situation. Besides you wouldn't understand, you're just a child."

"Ho, this coming from the guy who can't even tie his own tie." Jason's mother Candice said." He may only be a child but at least he's man enough to face up to this problem in an adult fashion. Unlike you!" and with that she poked George in the chest.

"You little bitch!"

"Don't talk to her like that."

"And what are you going to do you snot nosed whanker? Call the cops? You going to do something about it?" he hit his chest aggressively, "Go on take a shot!" Jason just stared at his feet knowing well that the cops couldn't help them, they wouldn't touch one of their own. That's why George could get away with it. "Yeah that's what I thought, go cry to your mommy." George went to turn to leave but received a left to the face. Clutching where the blow had landed he said "Why you!" and pulled out his side arm. Without even thinking twice he turned off the safety and squeezed the trigger.

2009-11-14T09:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes looking back at who you were by reading notes you wrote or posts from early days to make you feel. It seems i haven't felt in a while. Looking at these things that i wrote that my friends wrote, really pains me. Because i haven't talked with them in months... maybe even a year. It's just hard to make my self care enough to talk with them, because they don't live near me... It's sad and painful, and I hurt because of it.

Happiness is a hard thing to find. They say that if you love someone you should let them go for them to be happy. But what if you want to make them happy by being with them and being happy with them. What then? Is it possible? It's hard loving someone and not being able to make them happy by sharing your love.

Ahahhaha what a horrible habit i have of always getting onto the topic of love. But like jack johnson said, "love is the answer at least to most of the questions of my heart."

late night random

2009-10-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

just out of curiosity what's it take to get some loving round here. -sigh-

I'd go to a bar and pick up a girl but I'm no good at that and i don't drink so it seems like an odd thing to do. gah my head hurts i need a stiff one... ahahah jk man this is complete nonsense.

2009-02-08T07:09:00.001-08:00

Ok so hi again. I'm going to go on a little rant today once again. hopefully it won't be as bad as last time. And i know no one really reads these but i'm bored and it can't hurt.

So just last semester i broke up with my gf. It was a bad time, we'd been together 8 months and well it was bad. She was all I'm Christian and i don't believe in a lot of personal affection. I don't know that for sure. She envisioned her partner being the leader in the relationship, but that's not how i see a relationship i see a relationship as two equals who come together to share their experiences together. I'm Christian but i'm not that Christian apparently AHAHAH. So yeah it was bad because we really weren't having that good of a time together either. like we went to a formal dance, altho the music was clearly modern gah, and for most of the night we sat there staring into the distance, we danced like twice, we hardly talked to each other, it was just bad. When we were together in public she'd rarely kiss me, I'd almost have to force the issue. I'd put my arms around her but she'd just stand there with her arms folded under her breasts, legs crossed. I took that as a very defensive posture, not very inviting to me -shrugg- and to top it off for me, I professed my love you the little i love you in the ear, "I Love You" note, but she refused to say it back refused to say i love you to me her boy friend of 8 months. It just all added up to a lot of hurt and pain for me. But don't get me wrong she is a nice girl she just wasn't for me.

And now that i'm single again, it's weird to say that single, bah, anyways now that i'm single you know still thinking about girls like any other male out there :P Anyways there's this one girls she's cute, funny, intellegent. the only thing is she smokes and well I don't. It bring up some interesting thoughts. Anyways i really don't know what i'm going to do at the moment. it not really a big deal anyways, i think i'll just stick to my studies for now.

Where there's no will, there's no way

2008-10-13T15:58:00.000-07:00

She stood alone in a crowd,
patiently listening but not paying attention to the conversations.
Her eyes drifted absentmindedly.
Working up his courage he drew near her.

His heart pounding in his ears,
body shook uncontrollably.
Leaning in he whispered "do you love me?"

Beaming up at him with gorgeous eyes
she shyly nodded folding into a loose embrace.
Her heart pounding against his own
in a sporadic chorus of elation.

The first few months were bliss,
but the months turned into weeks
and the weeks into days
as they drifted further apart.

Air stood still between them
thoughts racing but never leaving.
Courage fades as nothing changes.
They stare awkwardly at their feet in defeat.

This isn't working out the way I want.
We don't talk enough cause nothing changes.
Maybe we should just be friends.

She left and he left and there was no going back.
And the distance only got further away
turning on itself in hate.

She stood in a crowd barely paying attention.
He saw her and his fists clenched.
Heart pounding in his ears, body shaking
he leaned in and whispered "did you ever love me?"

Boredom

2008-10-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

Boredom fills my every pore as i sit here, here in class, as i sit here on this stool of rock.
I think to myself, why? Why am i plagued? Why are we plagued with such misfortune?
We did this to ourselves. we created this box we live in. I want out of it.

The wall is a very interesting color i could look at it for hours and still have enough patience to do it again.
Trapped buy these walls but safe, safe from the cold, and nature, the very nature we screwed up.

There is a long fight ahead of us and we must survive, some will survive, not everyone tho. It kills me inside to know that for sure to know that there is nothing i can do to change it personally. not that i want the attention of having fixed it but that i know nothing i do at this time can change what's going to happen enough.

Thoughts are dangerous, but beautiful. whipping around in a great torrent, exploding every now and then. killing with unintentional malice. Words mean nothing now. sprouted like the very seed that makes our world.

Head aching from some unseen hurt, burning my sinus' with a fiery death that stings to the core. fists clenched around strands of hair in frustration and disgust. nothing matters right this moment. It will when I'm away from this class, away from this school, away...

As long as I have her i can survive, i can live, as long as nothing changes but does change. as long as we stay but we change together. nothing else matters. not to me at least. the world could die around me, I'd feel sad for it but it wouldn't matter as long as she was there and we were one and nothing changes.

Being pensive is always weird for me, it takes too much thought and i can't always think clearly and when i do i still question my thoughts. Thoughts suck but are great and i wouldn't want to live with out them.

In close i say to you, think what you like, drink what you like, eat and be merry for tomorrow we die and never return again to the way we were.

I'm not normally this morbid but today feels like a good day to do it for some reason.

2008-08-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

ahah ok so big news from me. So this one time i'll share a little personal stuff with you all. i know not many ppl read this and i know probably no one cares but i'm bored and stuck at home for a while.
ok so two weeks back i went through jaw surgery and now i'm all wired shut and i have to eat and talk and drink and everything else that you would do with you mouth (breath but that's obvious) i have to do through closed teeth. so as you can well imagine i have to eat liquid foods, mumble some of my words and sound slightly mad most of the time and breath :P. What all this adds up to it a boring stay at home by myself most days because parents work and sister left me alone today (tho most other days she'd be asleep for half the day anyways so it's like she's not even here).
and now for the big news. since i knew i'd be out for the count for a while i'd been stocking up on books to read (even if i am a slow reader) and other entertainment venues. so the other day while i was in halifax for a check up, we went to the mall and i got myself a DS and not just sny DS but a pokemon edition DS. it's sooo cool and it's got two pokemon on the front and it came with a case and pokemon DVD, ahah which i will probalby never watch. might give it to my girlfriends little sister of three years. Anyways since i'd gotten it i've been playing pokemon preal (borrowed from my sister's friend, Thanks btw). i also have FF6 which i'm a little confused on how to play and CSI dark motives. now if only i could get some other decent games. guess i'll be hitting the hobby shops once i get a job :(
speaking of jobs i really need one. but as you now know my mouth is wired shut so i don't know who would want to hire me right now. (They come off on Sept. 3 i think, can't wait).

and now my time has come to an end. CYALL

Grade 10 Quick Write "drama teacher"

2008-08-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

I wish I could tell them that I knew what I was doing. Just to scream out I'm lost, I don't have a clue. But I can't. I'd lose my reputation. I would then lose my job and then I'd have no money. Why don't I just tell them I don't know? I just can't.
It would be to humiliating for them to know that I don't know. They would chew me up and spit me out. They would claw me to death and leave my body to rot. To have the flies swarm myself and lay their disgusting eggs in me.
Oh well, it would happen sooner or later. It would be over soon. I don't know when, but soon. This is why I can't tell them, they would think I was old. Losing my mind. I just can't do it.
I just can't answer the question that my student has asked me, maybe if I wait a few seconds the bell will ring and I'll have time to think about. But if I don't they will tear me apart, and think I'm stupid.

road side cafe continued

2008-07-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

It was like boiling water rising in her veins. she could feel the blush in her face with a red hot intensity. she pulled her hood up over her head to hide it, but only managed to attract every eye in the cafe. she felt trapped, stared at by all these people. trying to get away with some dignity she grabbed her purse and started to leave. once she got out of the crowd of people the sensation of being trapped left only to be replaced with one of fear. a person from the cafe started to chase her. "Miss get back here, excuse me. Get back here Miss." she ran down the street afraid. she ducked into an alley hoping to be lost in the maze of the city, but the person was still behind her, always gaining. she took a sharp left turn and ran into a dead end. the man grabbed her shoulder and twisted her around. she screamed, terror taking hold of her body. as she started to faint the man handed her a bill and said "you forgot to pay for your coffee."
Suddenly Rebecca awoke with a jarring force out of her bed and tumbled to the floor of her all too small bedroom. Consciousness slowly returned to her as she looked at the purple walls, single bed, POTO poster on her wall, paintings all over her door. Her breathing began to slow, as did her heartbeats, as she realized it was all a dream. She looked out her window at the greying sky and saw her dreamcatcher she'd made in grade four at school when they were learning about the aboriginals. "Some help you were" she muttered under her breath, while getting up off the floor. Looks like it's going to be another boring cloudy summer day, at least it started out interestingly.

A mid school's day mistake 7

2008-05-03T10:22:00.000-07:00

Sebastian raced across the lawn as the school's only bell toned for the fifth time. He only had three more tones before the doors would close and the teachers wouldn't let the students in anymore. If you missed getting in then you would have to sit outside and wait till lunch when they let everyone out. You would think that that was a good thing to not be let into school, but it wasn't. Cause when you got home to your parents they would know because everyone else would know and you'd get a good beating if you were lucky.
Running up the steps two at a time Sebastian made it through the doors just as the janitor came out of his "office" to lock them. "You made it this time, but i wouldn't suggest you make a habit of such close calls in the future. You might find that the consequences are worse then they first appear." he said "Now off to class with you, I'm not paid to babysit the likes of you."
Sebastian ran down the hall and grabbed the door knob to his classroom as it was just about to close. "It's good to see you a habit of being 'on time'. Now take your seat and we can begin, unless you wish to tell the class why you are holding them up from learning." threatened M. LeBlanc. Sebastian quietly took his seat without looking at the others and retrieved his notebook.
Class was boring as usual and dragged on forever so Bastian doodled in his notebook. He drew lions and dragons being fought by knights, he even drew a few hearts and butterflies as he day dreamed.

A mid school's day mistake 6

2008-03-20T10:56:00.000-07:00

Sebastian slung the back pack over his right shoulder and descended the stairs for the last time that morning. He walked through the kitchen and out the back door without a second glance at his bickering brothers and cooking mother. To get to school Sebastian had to walk down the winding road into the small town center where he would join twelve others in his grade. Being the small school it was students got great one on one with the teacher. But where there was only one teacher a grade, sometimes one teacher for two grades, the teacher didn't always know all the subjects being taught. For instance M. LeBlanc had no knowledge in the sciences so all he could do was read from the text he didn't fully understand and gave out homework that he'd correct with an answer sheet that the teachers got with the text. Thankfully he was an awesome English and Drama teacher.
Little rays of sunlight filtered through the dreary clouds. The specks of light darted sporadically cross the damp pavement. Sebastian picked up a lone rock off the side of the road. it was smooth and flat, perfect for skipping along the water. Sebastian came to the base of the cliff just before the town, three feet up from the water level. He gave it a mighty toss and put lots of spin into it. it sailed and hit the surface once, twice, thrice... and sank to the seemingly bottomless trench. These were not waters that were friendly to swim in. Those waters resided on the other side of the town at the beach, or by the river more inland.

A mid school's day mistake 5

2007-12-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

Sebastian's three siblings ran down the stairs in a flurry of sound and commotion, first his sister Sophie who was the age of five followed his two brothers James and Richard, age four and nine, fighting each other as they descended.
"Hi mommy." Sophie said.
"Good morning dear. How was your night?"
"Great! I dreamed of ponies and unicorns and the strange man who lives down the street but Mr. Gamgie shooed him away."
"Well that's very nice of him to do that." replied her mother, "Boys stop that before someone gets hurt."
"Ok mom." the two intoned. Richard let go of the strangle hold he had on James and the two sat down to the kitchen table. "What's for breakfast?" James asked. "Can we have corn puffs?" Corn puffs were generally a treat in the house and since they hadn't had it in a while James was hopeful.
"I'm sorry dear, we ran out the last time we had them." James hung his head.
"Cheer up kiddo" Sebastian tried sympathetically, "maybe next week." James head perked up at that thought.
"Well I'm going to go pack up my bag and leave for school." Sebastian said.
"Don't forget your lunch bastian, i made it last night." she handed him a paper bag.
"Thanks" Sebastian walked up the stairs and into his room. School papers were spread out everywhere on the tiny desk he had by his bed. He gathered them up in his binder and jammed it into his bag, followed by the brown paper lunch.

A mid school's day mistake 4

2007-12-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

The stairs squeaked as Sebastian's slightly over weight mother came down the stairs. Yawning Sebastian greeted his mother without vigor or any cheer.
"What time did you get to bed Sebastian?"
"Eleven"
"Oh, I don't recall you leaving the basement when I went to bed and that was at 11:30."
"Well it was 11:45 when i went to bed then." Sheesh, won't she leave me alone.
"Your father will be home around 6:00 tonight so we'll be having a late supper." She paused, thinking for a moment. "That doesn't mean you can stay out all hours of the afternoon tho. I want you home for supper no questions asked. Besides you'll have plenty of home work to do, so you best be home early."
"Yeah, whatever." Sebastian was boring of his mother's company.
"Don't you take that tone with me. You need to start caring about your life, make plans for the future. I know you're destined for greater things than your father and this town."
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I DON'T CARE! There's no way for you to do anything about it tho." With that he staked from the kitchen with his toast back to the computer desk. The folding chair creaked as he sat down on it. Wiping the sleep from his eyes Sebastian looked at the screen. The screen saver was up. He moved the mouse, the screen flashed back to the desktop. He opened up his email and clicked on the only message there.
It read: Yo Sebastard, there's this party down at Jim's house tonight. You should come. Sebastian moved the mouse to delete the message but the pointer wouldn't work. Fuck, it's frozen once again. Sebastian gave up on it and manually shut it down.

A mid school's day mistake 3

2007-12-01T02:23:00.000-08:00

Sebastian got out of the shower and toweled himself down. He wrapped the towel about his waist and walk back to his room leaving his boxers on the floor of the bathroom. Sebastian got dressed and went back down the stairs. Noises from his awakening family could be heard above him if he had bothered to pay any attention to them. Instead he sat down on the folding chair at the families outdated computer. He turned it on and waited for the Windows 95 logo to appear. When it was finally done opening he started the Internet. The dial tone sounded as it connected with the phone line. Sebastian went into the kitchen to make breakfast knowing well that it'd take awhile.
Sebastian decided he'd have toast and jam this morning. He tossed two pieces of bread in the toaster and took the jam out of the old fridge. It was amazing that it could still keep a relatively cold temperature at all. Light broke over the dales outside, streaming into the dim kitchen. Dirt coated the floor and base boards. It wasn't often that his mother would clean the kitchen, looking after all the children was hard enough for her. Plus it didn't help that her alcoholic husband was never around the house other than to eat and sleep.

ode to a tiny green lump i found in my belly button

2007-11-26T13:50:00.000-08:00

well as you can see i'm totally bored. so bored that i'm quoting hitch hikers guide to the galaxy. todays title came from the first book in the five book trilogy. that made me wonder, how can it be a trilogy if there are five books. sorry if i wasted anyones precious time in writing this for the general public to read.

A mid school's day mistake 2

2007-11-19T18:01:00.001-08:00

Why today? There's too much to do. GAH!! I just want this nightmare of a life to change. I'm bored of all the drudgery of school and all that fucking homework of mine. Sebastian yawned with great vigor. Standing he noticed something on the sheets. "Fuck" he intoned under his breath. I must have pissed myself. Too embarrassed to tell anyone he grabbed up his sheets and took them downstairs to the washer. Luckily for Sebastian no one else was awake and his father had already left for his shift at the Mine. A deadly quiet surrounded him and sent a chill down his spine. He turned on the washer and went back upstairs to the shower. Ahhh to be the first in is always a treat.
Water cascaded down his back, spilling over his shoulders and down his front. A sudden urge came over him and he felt excited. Looking down he realized what was happening and blushed. Is this going to happen every time I'm in the shower or what. Sighing Sebastian decided to try and think of something else. So of course music started popping into his head. And it's go boys go, they'll time your every breath... And song after song came to him as he washed himself. Every now and then he'd feel inclined to singing a line here and there. He could have listened to the radio but nothing was on in the mornings. Nothing of interest anyways.

A mid school's day mistake 1

2007-11-16T20:11:00.000-08:00

Go with the flow man, see where it takes you. Why the hell did i listen to him. I'm going to smash his brains in if i get out of this. Great waves of rage welled up in Sebastian as these thoughts came to him. He picked up a rock from the riverside. Muscles tensed as he threw all his emotions all his rage and pent up hatred into that one stone. It flew through the air in a smooth arc barely caressing the setting suns rays. It hit the other bank with an almost sickening thud. Spent from that small feat and the days events Sebastian lay down and drifted into sweet nothingness. Only to be haunted by his fears in his sleep.

Sebastian woke with a start, only to realize it was only a dream. He slowly sunk back onto his warm bed. Sleep attacked his eyes so he fought back with his fist, rubbing away futilely. The only way he was going to wake up fully was to have a shower, but even that seemed like a hard task. For one everyone else in the house would be "fighting" for the shower. It wasn't actual fighting tho. it was just that one would get there before another and the other would wait impatiently in their room. But the true problem was that it was so damn hard to get out of that warm, comfy bed. Even if he got out of bed and turned off the alarm clock across the room he would end up back in the bed and fall asleep.

road side cafe (written Aug.14th)

2007-08-13T19:54:00.000-07:00

She searched his face for meaning, finding none she turned away. she stared at the floor looking for something to say. why couldn't she sat anything, why was nothing coming to mind? She tried to speak but only a tiny squeak came out. He giggled. Why? "Is something funny?" "Yeah you." she laughed. she was acting rather odd. she searched his face once more finding kindness and understanding. why couldn't she just tell him why did she feel this way. he looked at her. "well, bye." what where are you going?
"Where are you going?" "hmm... home I guess." "When will i see you again." "When the moon lines up with Venus and Mars." "Whens that?" "maybe never but it still possible." he continued to walk. she got up from the cafe chair and started after him but realized it was foolish. what could she say that would change his mind.
Why do I keep doubting myself. It not right. These doubts are unbased. why all the questions. he was gone from sight and she was standing there looking like an idiot staring after him. A wave of embarrassment washed over her. it hit her full in the face. It was...

This here is a quick write. i write what ever comes to mind in ten minutes. its good to have a starting point so if you'd like to suggest something sometime it'd be great.

Poem Factory

2007-08-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

this is a thing we did in class the only line i wrote is the first. I'll keep all the punctuaion points and everything the way it was written on the page

It was a beautiful spring day on the farm.
and it started to rain.
It was a beautiful moment
the way the feeling flooded in me
was like niagra falls
big and brilliant, costless but expensive
None of these words describe Kathryn, ones that do are forbidden
Forbidden, meaning extremely SEXY!
hmm.. sexy... what does that mean?
It means whatever you want it to mean baby...
I WANT TO FREAK BABY. AND THEN... Heart attack
Falls to the ground.
The man begged to be forgotten
But to be forgotten was a gift not granted
but given from Cinderellas fairy godmother
stripped like the help
while saying fuck me now
screaming, bucking back and forth, I needed you now
right now, laced you now
right this very minute
What happened next, I will never forget
nor will I remember.
I will not remember either.
As this has been too terrible to justify second thought.
Second thought said so
No time for second thoughts
No way to turn back
McKay is annoying me. And I am McKay! (as a side note this line here is by the teacher :P)
I am It! I created myself!
I am the creator of
All that is cool.
The End. (I believe i wrote this line too but it doesn't matter)

The Slowest Dance Ever

2007-08-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

It was a cool, clear night,
in a nightclub downtown.
The night was still young,
and I had a lot to think about.

The club was packed full
with spotlights shining everywhere.
People were dancing all over the place,
while the drinks were still flowing.

The music slowed as the DJ changed songs
and I saw her there looking so beautiful.
She wore a white dress and her hair low.
She came over and asked me to dance. I said yes.

The way her body felt under my hand.
The way her dress felt against my skin.
The way her head gently leaned against my shoulder.
It was like heaven on earth.

It was a cool, clear night,
in a nightclub downtown.
The night was still young,
and I had a lot to think about.

Annoucement

2007-08-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the next poems and stories are from my grade 10 year in Literary Arts class. I'm going to improve on them where i feel necessary. But some don't need it so... yeah :P

Cruel fate

2007-08-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

The wind tears at my soul.
Driven by a sense of urgency
as i walk down the lonely road.

Voices echo from a far
getting closer to where i am.

Why won't they go away
just for a few more hours.
So i can be alone with my thoughts.

Morning light crests the stoic buildings.

Where is my destination?
I can't seem to remember;
all i know is that i want the voices
to SHUT UP!

Finally i come to a door that seems familiar.
Ahh quiet, sweet oblivion.
But now that i have a place to think
nothing comes to me.

What a cruel fate.

An Ode to an ex

2007-07-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

Your passion is lacking
your love it is tacky.
You kiss like I'm not there.
You talk of others in front of my face
and i took it without a care.

You said you didn't love me
my heart it did wonder
why you even tried.
Still i thought that i did
till you said i was a gid,
that you were pressured into it some how.

So i'll say this to you
in a sweet adieu
Your love it meant nothing at all.

A Long Embrace

2007-07-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

Blood flows through my veins
faster than before.
Knees lock, feel like falling
but can't stop.

Want this to go on forever
wishing it would never end.
Getting tired
hope it won't offend.

You move away
a slow inhale.
My head is light
and the pleasure is hell.

It's a good feeling that i want to stay
but it hurts so much when you go away.