Where there's no will, there's no way

She stood alone in a crowd,
patiently listening but not paying attention to the conversations.
Her eyes drifted absentmindedly.
Working up his courage he drew near her.

His heart pounding in his ears,
body shook uncontrollably.
Leaning in he whispered "do you love me?"

Beaming up at him with gorgeous eyes
she shyly nodded folding into a loose embrace.
Her heart pounding against his own
in a sporadic chorus of elation.

The first few months were bliss,
but the months turned into weeks
and the weeks into days
as they drifted further apart.

Air stood still between them
thoughts racing but never leaving.
Courage fades as nothing changes.
They stare awkwardly at their feet in defeat.

This isn't working out the way I want.
We don't talk enough cause nothing changes.
Maybe we should just be friends.

She left and he left and there was no going back.
And the distance only got further away
turning on itself in hate.

She stood in a crowd barely paying attention.
He saw her and his fists clenched.
Heart pounding in his ears, body shaking
he leaned in and whispered "did you ever love me?"

Boredom

Boredom fills my every pore as i sit here, here in class, as i sit here on this stool of rock.
I think to myself, why? Why am i plagued? Why are we plagued with such misfortune?
We did this to ourselves. we created this box we live in. I want out of it.

The wall is a very interesting color i could look at it for hours and still have enough patience to do it again.
Trapped buy these walls but safe, safe from the cold, and nature, the very nature we screwed up.

There is a long fight ahead of us and we must survive, some will survive, not everyone tho. It kills me inside to know that for sure to know that there is nothing i can do to change it personally. not that i want the attention of having fixed it but that i know nothing i do at this time can change what's going to happen enough.

Thoughts are dangerous, but beautiful. whipping around in a great torrent, exploding every now and then. killing with unintentional malice. Words mean nothing now. sprouted like the very seed that makes our world.

Head aching from some unseen hurt, burning my sinus' with a fiery death that stings to the core. fists clenched around strands of hair in frustration and disgust. nothing matters right this moment. It will when I'm away from this class, away from this school, away...

As long as I have her i can survive, i can live, as long as nothing changes but does change. as long as we stay but we change together. nothing else matters. not to me at least. the world could die around me, I'd feel sad for it but it wouldn't matter as long as she was there and we were one and nothing changes.

Being pensive is always weird for me, it takes too much thought and i can't always think clearly and when i do i still question my thoughts. Thoughts suck but are great and i wouldn't want to live with out them.

In close i say to you, think what you like, drink what you like, eat and be merry for tomorrow we die and never return again to the way we were.

I'm not normally this morbid but today feels like a good day to do it for some reason.

ahah ok so big news from me. So this one time i'll share a little personal stuff with you all. i know not many ppl read this and i know probably no one cares but i'm bored and stuck at home for a while.
ok so two weeks back i went through jaw surgery and now i'm all wired shut and i have to eat and talk and drink and everything else that you would do with you mouth (breath but that's obvious) i have to do through closed teeth. so as you can well imagine i have to eat liquid foods, mumble some of my words and sound slightly mad most of the time and breath :P. What all this adds up to it a boring stay at home by myself most days because parents work and sister left me alone today (tho most other days she'd be asleep for half the day anyways so it's like she's not even here).
and now for the big news. since i knew i'd be out for the count for a while i'd been stocking up on books to read (even if i am a slow reader) and other entertainment venues. so the other day while i was in halifax for a check up, we went to the mall and i got myself a DS and not just sny DS but a pokemon edition DS. it's sooo cool and it's got two pokemon on the front and it came with a case and pokemon DVD, ahah which i will probalby never watch. might give it to my girlfriends little sister of three years. Anyways since i'd gotten it i've been playing pokemon preal (borrowed from my sister's friend, Thanks btw). i also have FF6 which i'm a little confused on how to play and CSI dark motives. now if only i could get some other decent games. guess i'll be hitting the hobby shops once i get a job :(
speaking of jobs i really need one. but as you now know my mouth is wired shut so i don't know who would want to hire me right now. (They come off on Sept. 3 i think, can't wait).

and now my time has come to an end. CYALL

Grade 10 Quick Write "drama teacher"

I wish I could tell them that I knew what I was doing. Just to scream out I'm lost, I don't have a clue. But I can't. I'd lose my reputation. I would then lose my job and then I'd have no money. Why don't I just tell them I don't know? I just can't.
It would be to humiliating for them to know that I don't know. They would chew me up and spit me out. They would claw me to death and leave my body to rot. To have the flies swarm myself and lay their disgusting eggs in me.
Oh well, it would happen sooner or later. It would be over soon. I don't know when, but soon. This is why I can't tell them, they would think I was old. Losing my mind. I just can't do it.
I just can't answer the question that my student has asked me, maybe if I wait a few seconds the bell will ring and I'll have time to think about. But if I don't they will tear me apart, and think I'm stupid.

road side cafe continued

It was like boiling water rising in her veins. she could feel the blush in her face with a red hot intensity. she pulled her hood up over her head to hide it, but only managed to attract every eye in the cafe. she felt trapped, stared at by all these people. trying to get away with some dignity she grabbed her purse and started to leave. once she got out of the crowd of people the sensation of being trapped left only to be replaced with one of fear. a person from the cafe started to chase her. "Miss get back here, excuse me. Get back here Miss." she ran down the street afraid. she ducked into an alley hoping to be lost in the maze of the city, but the person was still behind her, always gaining. she took a sharp left turn and ran into a dead end. the man grabbed her shoulder and twisted her around. she screamed, terror taking hold of her body. as she started to faint the man handed her a bill and said "you forgot to pay for your coffee."
Suddenly Rebecca awoke with a jarring force out of her bed and tumbled to the floor of her all too small bedroom. Consciousness slowly returned to her as she looked at the purple walls, single bed, POTO poster on her wall, paintings all over her door. Her breathing began to slow, as did her heartbeats, as she realized it was all a dream. She looked out her window at the greying sky and saw her dreamcatcher she'd made in grade four at school when they were learning about the aboriginals. "Some help you were" she muttered under her breath, while getting up off the floor. Looks like it's going to be another boring cloudy summer day, at least it started out interestingly.

A mid school's day mistake 7

Sebastian raced across the lawn as the school's only bell toned for the fifth time. He only had three more tones before the doors would close and the teachers wouldn't let the students in anymore. If you missed getting in then you would have to sit outside and wait till lunch when they let everyone out. You would think that that was a good thing to not be let into school, but it wasn't. Cause when you got home to your parents they would know because everyone else would know and you'd get a good beating if you were lucky.
Running up the steps two at a time Sebastian made it through the doors just as the janitor came out of his "office" to lock them. "You made it this time, but i wouldn't suggest you make a habit of such close calls in the future. You might find that the consequences are worse then they first appear." he said "Now off to class with you, I'm not paid to babysit the likes of you."
Sebastian ran down the hall and grabbed the door knob to his classroom as it was just about to close. "It's good to see you a habit of being 'on time'. Now take your seat and we can begin, unless you wish to tell the class why you are holding them up from learning." threatened M. LeBlanc. Sebastian quietly took his seat without looking at the others and retrieved his notebook.
Class was boring as usual and dragged on forever so Bastian doodled in his notebook. He drew lions and dragons being fought by knights, he even drew a few hearts and butterflies as he day dreamed.

A mid school's day mistake 6

Sebastian slung the back pack over his right shoulder and descended the stairs for the last time that morning. He walked through the kitchen and out the back door without a second glance at his bickering brothers and cooking mother. To get to school Sebastian had to walk down the winding road into the small town center where he would join twelve others in his grade. Being the small school it was students got great one on one with the teacher. But where there was only one teacher a grade, sometimes one teacher for two grades, the teacher didn't always know all the subjects being taught. For instance M. LeBlanc had no knowledge in the sciences so all he could do was read from the text he didn't fully understand and gave out homework that he'd correct with an answer sheet that the teachers got with the text. Thankfully he was an awesome English and Drama teacher.
Little rays of sunlight filtered through the dreary clouds. The specks of light darted sporadically cross the damp pavement. Sebastian picked up a lone rock off the side of the road. it was smooth and flat, perfect for skipping along the water. Sebastian came to the base of the cliff just before the town, three feet up from the water level. He gave it a mighty toss and put lots of spin into it. it sailed and hit the surface once, twice, thrice... and sank to the seemingly bottomless trench. These were not waters that were friendly to swim in. Those waters resided on the other side of the town at the beach, or by the river more inland.