Sometimes it takes looking back at who you were by reading notes you wrote or posts from early days to make you feel. It seems i haven't felt in a while. Looking at these things that i wrote that my friends wrote, really pains me. Because i haven't talked with them in months... maybe even a year. It's just hard to make my self care enough to talk with them, because they don't live near me... It's sad and painful, and I hurt because of it.

Happiness is a hard thing to find. They say that if you love someone you should let them go for them to be happy. But what if you want to make them happy by being with them and being happy with them. What then? Is it possible? It's hard loving someone and not being able to make them happy by sharing your love.

Ahahhaha what a horrible habit i have of always getting onto the topic of love. But like jack johnson said, "love is the answer at least to most of the questions of my heart."

late night random

just out of curiosity what's it take to get some loving round here. -sigh-

I'd go to a bar and pick up a girl but I'm no good at that and i don't drink so it seems like an odd thing to do. gah my head hurts i need a stiff one... ahahah jk man this is complete nonsense.

Ok so hi again. I'm going to go on a little rant today once again. hopefully it won't be as bad as last time. And i know no one really reads these but i'm bored and it can't hurt.

So just last semester i broke up with my gf. It was a bad time, we'd been together 8 months and well it was bad. She was all I'm Christian and i don't believe in a lot of personal affection. I don't know that for sure. She envisioned her partner being the leader in the relationship, but that's not how i see a relationship i see a relationship as two equals who come together to share their experiences together. I'm Christian but i'm not that Christian apparently AHAHAH. So yeah it was bad because we really weren't having that good of a time together either. like we went to a formal dance, altho the music was clearly modern gah, and for most of the night we sat there staring into the distance, we danced like twice, we hardly talked to each other, it was just bad. When we were together in public she'd rarely kiss me, I'd almost have to force the issue. I'd put my arms around her but she'd just stand there with her arms folded under her breasts, legs crossed. I took that as a very defensive posture, not very inviting to me -shrugg- and to top it off for me, I professed my love you the little i love you in the ear, "I Love You" note, but she refused to say it back refused to say i love you to me her boy friend of 8 months. It just all added up to a lot of hurt and pain for me. But don't get me wrong she is a nice girl she just wasn't for me.

And now that i'm single again, it's weird to say that single, bah, anyways now that i'm single you know still thinking about girls like any other male out there :P Anyways there's this one girls she's cute, funny, intellegent. the only thing is she smokes and well I don't. It bring up some interesting thoughts. Anyways i really don't know what i'm going to do at the moment. it not really a big deal anyways, i think i'll just stick to my studies for now.