A messy Divorce

The air in the room stood still, nothing moved, even the plants held their breath. A low rumble from downstairs invaded the electrified silence as the air exchange came to life. The three occupants of the small, poorly furnished living room just stood there, tension running through every muscle of each. To an outsider this scene might look like a tableau; people frozen in postures to tell a story or relay a message; and even if they did think this the messages being conveyed would be the same. Hatred, confusion, fear and pain.

Jason could take it no longer. The bickering and petty squabbles, ever since 'she' came along. Sure it hadn't been so bad at first, kisses and cuddling were often and loving, but things started to become... too much. It was little things that grew until they were hideous monsters looming over their heads, choking their throats with tears. Now the only respite Jason could get from his crazy father, stuck up step-mom and whining baby sister was in his sweet heart, his shining star in the eternal darkness from which he could find no warmth without her, his loving girlfriend April. He'd get no help from her now.

This was his problem, a problem that wasn't his to deal with but required him to be there because of his relation to the problem. That's all it ever was, a problem, not a serious issue, not a trifle, just a problem.

"I can't stand it anymore!!" Jason screamed, "You can't just stay quiet and hope it goes away. Face up to what you've done, what you're doing, and not just to yourselves but to us."

The glass was shattered, now all the emotions could spill out unhindered by the silence.

"Now that is no way to talk to your mother, and I will not stand a piss nosed brat talking to me like that. Especially not in that tone of voice." Jason's father George started to fume. "We did the best we could with a failing situation. Besides you wouldn't understand, you're just a child."

"Ho, this coming from the guy who can't even tie his own tie." Jason's mother Candice said." He may only be a child but at least he's man enough to face up to this problem in an adult fashion. Unlike you!" and with that she poked George in the chest.

"You little bitch!"

"Don't talk to her like that."

"And what are you going to do you snot nosed whanker? Call the cops? You going to do something about it?" he hit his chest aggressively, "Go on take a shot!" Jason just stared at his feet knowing well that the cops couldn't help them, they wouldn't touch one of their own. That's why George could get away with it. "Yeah that's what I thought, go cry to your mommy." George went to turn to leave but received a left to the face. Clutching where the blow had landed he said "Why you!" and pulled out his side arm. Without even thinking twice he turned off the safety and squeezed the trigger.

Sometimes it takes looking back at who you were by reading notes you wrote or posts from early days to make you feel. It seems i haven't felt in a while. Looking at these things that i wrote that my friends wrote, really pains me. Because i haven't talked with them in months... maybe even a year. It's just hard to make my self care enough to talk with them, because they don't live near me... It's sad and painful, and I hurt because of it.

Happiness is a hard thing to find. They say that if you love someone you should let them go for them to be happy. But what if you want to make them happy by being with them and being happy with them. What then? Is it possible? It's hard loving someone and not being able to make them happy by sharing your love.

Ahahhaha what a horrible habit i have of always getting onto the topic of love. But like jack johnson said, "love is the answer at least to most of the questions of my heart."

late night random

just out of curiosity what's it take to get some loving round here. -sigh-

I'd go to a bar and pick up a girl but I'm no good at that and i don't drink so it seems like an odd thing to do. gah my head hurts i need a stiff one... ahahah jk man this is complete nonsense.

Ok so hi again. I'm going to go on a little rant today once again. hopefully it won't be as bad as last time. And i know no one really reads these but i'm bored and it can't hurt.

So just last semester i broke up with my gf. It was a bad time, we'd been together 8 months and well it was bad. She was all I'm Christian and i don't believe in a lot of personal affection. I don't know that for sure. She envisioned her partner being the leader in the relationship, but that's not how i see a relationship i see a relationship as two equals who come together to share their experiences together. I'm Christian but i'm not that Christian apparently AHAHAH. So yeah it was bad because we really weren't having that good of a time together either. like we went to a formal dance, altho the music was clearly modern gah, and for most of the night we sat there staring into the distance, we danced like twice, we hardly talked to each other, it was just bad. When we were together in public she'd rarely kiss me, I'd almost have to force the issue. I'd put my arms around her but she'd just stand there with her arms folded under her breasts, legs crossed. I took that as a very defensive posture, not very inviting to me -shrugg- and to top it off for me, I professed my love you the little i love you in the ear, "I Love You" note, but she refused to say it back refused to say i love you to me her boy friend of 8 months. It just all added up to a lot of hurt and pain for me. But don't get me wrong she is a nice girl she just wasn't for me.

And now that i'm single again, it's weird to say that single, bah, anyways now that i'm single you know still thinking about girls like any other male out there :P Anyways there's this one girls she's cute, funny, intellegent. the only thing is she smokes and well I don't. It bring up some interesting thoughts. Anyways i really don't know what i'm going to do at the moment. it not really a big deal anyways, i think i'll just stick to my studies for now.

Where there's no will, there's no way

She stood alone in a crowd,
patiently listening but not paying attention to the conversations.
Her eyes drifted absentmindedly.
Working up his courage he drew near her.

His heart pounding in his ears,
body shook uncontrollably.
Leaning in he whispered "do you love me?"

Beaming up at him with gorgeous eyes
she shyly nodded folding into a loose embrace.
Her heart pounding against his own
in a sporadic chorus of elation.

The first few months were bliss,
but the months turned into weeks
and the weeks into days
as they drifted further apart.

Air stood still between them
thoughts racing but never leaving.
Courage fades as nothing changes.
They stare awkwardly at their feet in defeat.

This isn't working out the way I want.
We don't talk enough cause nothing changes.
Maybe we should just be friends.

She left and he left and there was no going back.
And the distance only got further away
turning on itself in hate.

She stood in a crowd barely paying attention.
He saw her and his fists clenched.
Heart pounding in his ears, body shaking
he leaned in and whispered "did you ever love me?"

Boredom

Boredom fills my every pore as i sit here, here in class, as i sit here on this stool of rock.
I think to myself, why? Why am i plagued? Why are we plagued with such misfortune?
We did this to ourselves. we created this box we live in. I want out of it.

The wall is a very interesting color i could look at it for hours and still have enough patience to do it again.
Trapped buy these walls but safe, safe from the cold, and nature, the very nature we screwed up.

There is a long fight ahead of us and we must survive, some will survive, not everyone tho. It kills me inside to know that for sure to know that there is nothing i can do to change it personally. not that i want the attention of having fixed it but that i know nothing i do at this time can change what's going to happen enough.

Thoughts are dangerous, but beautiful. whipping around in a great torrent, exploding every now and then. killing with unintentional malice. Words mean nothing now. sprouted like the very seed that makes our world.

Head aching from some unseen hurt, burning my sinus' with a fiery death that stings to the core. fists clenched around strands of hair in frustration and disgust. nothing matters right this moment. It will when I'm away from this class, away from this school, away...

As long as I have her i can survive, i can live, as long as nothing changes but does change. as long as we stay but we change together. nothing else matters. not to me at least. the world could die around me, I'd feel sad for it but it wouldn't matter as long as she was there and we were one and nothing changes.

Being pensive is always weird for me, it takes too much thought and i can't always think clearly and when i do i still question my thoughts. Thoughts suck but are great and i wouldn't want to live with out them.

In close i say to you, think what you like, drink what you like, eat and be merry for tomorrow we die and never return again to the way we were.

I'm not normally this morbid but today feels like a good day to do it for some reason.

ahah ok so big news from me. So this one time i'll share a little personal stuff with you all. i know not many ppl read this and i know probably no one cares but i'm bored and stuck at home for a while.
ok so two weeks back i went through jaw surgery and now i'm all wired shut and i have to eat and talk and drink and everything else that you would do with you mouth (breath but that's obvious) i have to do through closed teeth. so as you can well imagine i have to eat liquid foods, mumble some of my words and sound slightly mad most of the time and breath :P. What all this adds up to it a boring stay at home by myself most days because parents work and sister left me alone today (tho most other days she'd be asleep for half the day anyways so it's like she's not even here).
and now for the big news. since i knew i'd be out for the count for a while i'd been stocking up on books to read (even if i am a slow reader) and other entertainment venues. so the other day while i was in halifax for a check up, we went to the mall and i got myself a DS and not just sny DS but a pokemon edition DS. it's sooo cool and it's got two pokemon on the front and it came with a case and pokemon DVD, ahah which i will probalby never watch. might give it to my girlfriends little sister of three years. Anyways since i'd gotten it i've been playing pokemon preal (borrowed from my sister's friend, Thanks btw). i also have FF6 which i'm a little confused on how to play and CSI dark motives. now if only i could get some other decent games. guess i'll be hitting the hobby shops once i get a job :(
speaking of jobs i really need one. but as you now know my mouth is wired shut so i don't know who would want to hire me right now. (They come off on Sept. 3 i think, can't wait).

and now my time has come to an end. CYALL